Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
