you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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