Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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