Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
