TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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