You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
