OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
