Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
