he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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