she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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