Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
