So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
