I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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