I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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