Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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