im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
