i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So many bounce houses so little time
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
