There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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