I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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