once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
