like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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