Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
