my mouth tastes like poor choices
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
