Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
