i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
