remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can I color on your dick again?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
