Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
