I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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