The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like a drive thru vagina
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
