I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
operation have a gay friend backfired
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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