i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
