Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
