He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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