Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't deserve a penis
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Come share oat with me in your robe
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