never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
