just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
