Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you win again, gameday.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
