he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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