Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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