i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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