and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize