you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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