Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
