I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
