Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
