Cold hands, warm shart.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize