I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
