chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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