I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
