So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
