can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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