fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
