I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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