Swine flu. Run for my life!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
