I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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