i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
