Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
