i think my tv is drunk
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
