Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
