my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
