how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize