alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
