I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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