my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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