You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
