I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
