why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
