Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You pole danced in your parka.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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