bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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