At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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