Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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