im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
