i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
