Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize