4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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