If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
