I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
