Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
