The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
