We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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