Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
