God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Can Purell be used as lube?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just google imaged poop.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
