She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
