Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
