When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize