then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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