those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
