You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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