Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
