Don't you send me to vm
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
