there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
