I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize