So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
