im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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