Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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