i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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