i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
