He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Found your dick twin last night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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