she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize