Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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