well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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