thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
