oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
kristin has been a bad kristin
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
