Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you had me at cake vodka
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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