It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
