it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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