Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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